Authors: Mike Brown
Mike Brown’s Juggalodown
My journey to the heart of the local Salt Lake Juggalo scene began with a phone call and ended with a bottle of Rock ‘n Rye flavored Faygo. Up until now I had no idea what the fuck any of this shit was about. Sure, I knew that they liked Insane Clown Posse and wore makeup, but other than that I was stumped. … read more
Mike Brown: The Girl’s Room
I got a new job working the door at a local club. I won’t say which clubbecause it’s really messy in there and a health inspector could be readingthis. I’ll just say it’s more of a venue than a bar, gets loud and sweaty onthe weekends, and has some of the fastest bartenders in the west. If youorder a Kamikaze there, the barkeep is done making it by the time youfinish saying the word “Kamikaze.” … read more
Pre-Tour Beat-Off
It had been a while since I’ve been on a legit band tour. … read more
Random Thoughts From Mike Brown
This month has been kind of boring. I went to the Mountain Dew Tour to interview Bob Burnquist and to try to find Ryan Sheckler to make him cry. … read more
My Saturday with the Mormons
Now that I’m older, my sisters are all married and have turned themselves into baby-spewing vending machines. They are spitting live fetuses out faster than machine gun bullets. And every time a new baby enters the world, they gotta bless it and I’m obligated to go to church for these events. … read more
Mike Brown: Stupid Stupid Bernard
Disclaimer: The following story is all true. The author, however, regardless of how much he likes to drink himself, does not condone the actions of Bernard. … read more
Mike Brown: Top 5 Music Genres I Hate
I don’t know what it is about writing, but for me it’s usually much easier to write about all the things I hate. In the spirit of the yearly top fives I thought I would write about my most hated top five music genres. … read more
Mike Brown: A Gun For Valentine’s Day
I’ve been thinking about buying a gun lately. In these uncertain economic times, it seems like a rational decision. I guess crime is on the rise because of the recession, and protecting my assets with a new set of hollow points made sense, until I thought about it more. … read more
Mike Brown: State of Salt Lake Predictions
Oh, what an interesting and convenient little bubble we live in here in Salt Lake City. I haven’t really noticed if this springtime breakup phenomenon is just isolated to places colder than here, but I’m keeping my eye on it. … read more
Mike Brown: The Worst Job I’ve Ever Had
Work sucks. Fuck work. When people ask me what I do for a living, I usually just say that I am a freelance capitalist. … read more