Authors: Mike Brown
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Babies!
Accidents happen in life. You can’t get mad at them or avoid them. Cars crash, people trip and fall, my favorite pair of pants gets diarrhea-ed, meth labs explode and condoms break. I guess that’s why whenever I hear one of my friends slipped one past the goalie, I have the same reaction as if I had just heard they fell off a cliff: “Oh, fuck!” … read more
Mike Brown: The Year of the Gun, Goin’ In Hot!
After years of refusing to hold a firearm, I changed my mind a few weeks ago and decided to go to the desert and shoot the shit out of a banana with various assault weapons. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Drugs and Sports!
I wholeheartedly believe that sports and drugs go together as seamlessly as a U-lock in a hipster’s back pocket, subtly slipping down and caressing those supple yet firm, trust-funded buttocks. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Jazz Nation Predictions
If you know me at all, you know it’s safe to say I’m somewhat of a narcissist and only truly care about three things in life: my cat Jet Pack, free drinks and the Utah Jazz. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Yer Out of Here! Kicked Out...
The whole time I’ve been part of the Fucktards, we have never had to kick anyone out. Sure, dudes have quit, but I’ve never had to drop the axe. I suppose getting kicked out of the Fucktards would be like flunking special ed: very improbable and more embarrassing than being in my band in the first place. … read more
Mike Brown: High School
The leaves are changing, the temperature is dropping and another glorious, globally warmed summer is over. September is here, and if you aren’t already cutting class by the time you read this, you should be. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Jet Pack Meets Patty The Psychic
Jet Pack’s birthday is this month, so I thought it would be cool to get him a pet psychic reading to see what he would like for his birthday, and pick his brain about some other things, like why he’s been barfing so much lately and where he poops. … read more
Mike Brown: Miss Utah!!!
A few weeks ago, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing the current Miss Utah. The last time I interacted with a pageant queen was when I was asked to show a former Miss Utah how to skateboard on the live morning local newscast. Needless to say, she ended up eating street on live TV
Mike Brown: My Name is Mike Brown
My name is Mike Brown. It is a plain and boring name. When my parents were initially going to name me, they wanted to name me Matt but decided that was too common of a name. True story.
Mike Brown: The Beer Garden
Apparently, just like actual SLUG readers, IRL slugs are attracted to the sugar in the beer—but they drink too much, get drunk and drown in the beer.