Authors: Mike Brown

Mike Brown: My Favorite Presidents
By Mike Brown

This month, I’ve chosen to write about those great men that lead our great country and how they are all great and stuff. These fine men adorn our currency and fuck with it when they are in office. They sometimes act like assholes and are easy targets for everyone to hate, but probably have one of the easiest jobs in the world because other assholes are making the real decisions and doing their job for them.

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Mike Brown: New Year’s Resolutions
By Mike Brown

If I set New Year’s resolutions for myself, I’m just going to fail miserably and hurt my own feelings—and I’m a pretty sensitive guy when I’m sober. So, the only thing I’m changing in 2015 is my underwear. That being said, I came up with some New Year’s resolutions that I would like to see from other people. 

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Mike Brown: Craft Cocktailing
By Mike Brown

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Mike Brown: Quitting Smoking
By Mike Brown

Kurt Vonnegut once said that smoking is the only honorable form of suicide. I suppose that opinion is debatable, but then so is bacon, chocolate and Mormonism. Cigs give you cancer, bacon gives you heart attacks, chocolate gives you diabetes, and Mormonism will bore you to death. And if death is inevitable, then doesn’t that mean that we all are just committing suicide a tiny bit each and every day somehow?

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Mike Brown: The DI
By Mike Brown

You can criticize the Mormons all you want. As far as organizations go, they are easy to hate, but you can’t argue with some of the great things they do for the community … and I’m not talking about free cheese. I’m talking about the Mormon-backed retail outlet that draws numerous consumers to its stores every day but Sunday. No, not City Creek. … read more

Mike Brown: Beard Guy
By Mike Brown

It’s official: I’m now a beard guy. I realized this while I was at work the other day. Another man with a beard commented on my beard, then gave me a compliment for it. I didn’t realize it until after the encounter, but he was expecting some sort of positive reciprocation about his beard. … read more

MIke Brown: Technology with Jon Larsen
By Mike Brown

Anytime I need anything done regarding technology, I rely on my close friend, Jon Larsen. Whether it’s pirating software for my stupid Mac or just help figuring out my remote control, his vast knowledge of wires and everything electronic comes in handy. I thought that he would be the perfect guy to interview about technology. … read more

Mike Brown: Moving
By Mike Brown

I lived in the same apartment for 12 fast years. Time flies when you are as drunk as I am. Several roommates had come and gone: some complete deadbeats, some amazing lesbians whom I never had to ask to clean, and one methhead who took down all my blinds for no reason and stole my watch. … read more

Mike Brown’s Crafting Disasters
By Mike Brown

I’m no good at making anything. Luckily, we live in a society where you don’t really have to be good at making anything or doing anything. For anything I would actually need done or made, there’s someone or some company I can hire to do it for me. The only craft or service I consistently supply for myself, I guess, would be masturbating. … read more

Mike Brown’s State of the Union Address, but for Juggalos
By Mike Brown

First and foremost, I need to preface this article with the fact that I, Mike Brown, am not a Juggalo. I know a lot of you don’t believe me when I say that, but it’s a fact. I’m more of an ambassador that can speak their ridiculous and not-so-cryptic language. As I’ve stated before, I am their Jane Goodall and they are my chimps.  … read more