Dear Dickheads – July 2007

Oh heavens, Miss Jeanette Moses

I think I am in love with the jib of yer cut. You gave my band the 2 middle fingers in the air review in Slugmag for the June 2007 issue. Let me start here by introducing myself, I am the singer of Lyin’ Bitch And The Restraining Orders from Denver and I feel I need to address yer review of us, because you only seen our music as sexist, 1 sided and a relative short of the trailer park.

The song that you quote, Itch scratch & sniff is not a wife beating song what so ever or a song about beating women. No it’s story about seeking hooker/s and indulging yer flesh and reeping the wirlwind from the many encounters. Oh, one of my favorite songs that we play you call out, Step into my backhand. A funny story with this one. I was listening to the Phil Hendrie show 1 night and it was when Hockey season was being postponed for a year during that broadcast he brought on a doctor that said “with hockey season at a stand still yer men are so frustrated and you ladies need to releave the tension so step into his backhand more than you normally do when he comes home from work”. I thought what a great idea for a song and adjusted the lyrics to fit about a two timing slag that has done each and everyone of us wrong in the past. You’ve had 1 and so have I. Yes we do play songs about drinking beer and will always continue too. Beer + Punk always = punk fucking rock!

We are not trying to be offensive. Quite the contrary, in fact we’re just playing punk music with a boot to the left wing, a boot to the right wing and a boot to the middle wing! Not anything wrong with a good tounge in cheek punk… is there??

Miss Jeanette Moses, I think the only reason you place us in yer special little box of offesive music is because you are either A) just a person who just got into punk withing 2-5 years ago and yer still just a tad bit niave punk music or B) a fem nazi hybrid in need of a good fuck but doesn’t want to do it because yer fem counter parts won’t like that you will yell out “Lyin Bitch, insert yer fists!!”

The last statement that you make in yer review is quite fascist and reminds me of Germany 1939. Let me reinact it for you. You as “Hitler” making yer cleanse the punk scene speech to the masses, “Zis Lyin Beetch iz Juden, ICP iz juden, und everything associated with these punks should be veeded out of das gene pool und destroyed. Hate vot you do not like” I still love you though. You can speak yer hate speech against us and you will always have a friend in Lyin Bitch!

Cheers, Jim

Dear Jim-
Your hick band STILL sucks. Just to make sure our readers remember how much we disliked your CD last month, We’ve reprinted our review below. Do the world a favor, Sell your gear, quit playing music and move back to Kentucky. Smooch.