beautiful godzilla
Beautiful Godzilla: Maudlin Bikes
Type “girls on bikes” into Google Image Search. Seriously, pick up your iPhone and do it right now—just keep in mind it’s NSFW unless you’re employed at SLUG … read more
Beautiful Godzilla: Alleycat Power
Alleycats were thought up by ADHD bike messengers in urban areas as a way to earn some extra cash, test their skillz and ride their bikes some more, because, apparently, no one but me just wants to go home and massage their butt cheeks after riding their bike all day. … read more
Beautiful Godzilla: Take a Look, It’s In a Book
It all began with the Bike Snob NYC blog. I was working as the door girl at Brewvies––which essentially meant I’d stare down my nose at kids my age and demand to see their IDs in between writing college papers––and picked up on reading the latest Bike Snob post during my shift. He was the main influence of this column, obviously, though I only chose “Beautiful Godzilla” as the title because “Feminist Bicycle Rants” was already taken by some anarchists in Brooklyn. … read more
Beautiful Godzilla: Home Sweet Home
Every winter, but especially after a particularly wet one like this year, I promise myself it’ll be my last in Salt Lake. I really love this city––I just can’t handle pedaling or driving through all this extremity-numbing precipitation. What inevitably keeps me here is the fact that I can navigate my way around this godforsaken desert without Siri holding my hand. A city doesn’t become home until you can confidently give a stranger accurate directions to the nearest, local strip club. … read more
Beautiful Godzilla: I Am Not an Athlete
Yes, people, I signed up for OKCupid, the online-dating website. Since I spend a decent amount of time on a bicycle and/or organizing bicycle events (and writing a column about bicycles), that’s obviously something I added to the interests portion of my profile. After getting a handful of messages from “granola” types whose profiles lauded cringe-inducing key words like “hiking,” “climbing,” “camping” and “outdoors,” I realized I was inaccurately marketing myself as athletic. … read more
Beautiful Godzila: Down Here, It’s Our Time—It’s Our Time, Down...
A cloud of warm air forces its way through the loose loops of yarn on the crocheted scarf covering my mouth as I pull my bike out of the shed. What doesn’t make it past my mom’s needlework fills in pockets of moist heat around my face, providing a comforting sensation in contrast to the dry freeze that’s stinging my uncovered eyes. I’m wearing enough layers to regret the extra hoodie after the first hill, but if I’d tensed from a single shiver walking out the door, I might’ve changed my mind and stayed in. Besides, the only humans awake at this hour to witness my pit stains and matted hair are busy with someone’s hand up their skirt in the back of a cab. … read more
Beautiful Godzilla: I Don’t Wanna Grow Up
There was a period of time when I was growing up, from about 3 to 11, when bicycles were cool and coveted for something other than their hipster/hippy appeal. From my first purple-tassled princess bike with glittery training wheels, to that shiny green 10-speed with thick, black tires, few things could give me greater joy upon entering the garage on Christmas day––except maybe not to walk in on my uncle with my mom’s old breast pump. So, what is it about bikes that’s so cool at that age? My theory has to do with the silver screen. … read more
Beautiful Godzilla: I Don’t Wanna Grow Up
Bicycles became this representation of youth and freedom from authority that seemed impossible to attain when I was a dependent little kid––and I think that’s what brings some of us back as adults. … read more
Beautiful Godzilla: Giving Cranks: Pedalin’ Away The Holiday Blues
Every year around November, cyclists across the nation group together for their own two-wheeled holiday tradition, Cranksgiving: the alleycat that gives back. Traditionally, Cranksgiving is a scavenger-hunt-style bike race where you ride to different grocery stores and buy food, which is donated at the end. Salt Lake has served as host to this event annually since I joined the scene a few years ago, organized by a variety of individuals, but it was Christy Jens who stepped up to take charge for 2012.
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Beautiful Godzilla: Spooky Spokes
Cyclists love costumes––especially when worn on themed group rides. The reasoning behind this is pretty simple––cyclists are also total attention whores. Seriously, think about it: Take the lane campaigns, Critical Mass, spandex shorts … You think it’s about activism and awareness? Of course not. We just want all eyes on us in our two-wheeled fabulosity. That being said, costume rides are heavy, and Halloween costume rides are even heavier. … read more