princess kennedy
Princess Kennedy: I Ought to Be in Pictures
Not too long ago I received a letter in my inbox from McCarty Talent. It was an agent who, as it turns out, I knew from San Francisco and has relocated to SLC. Fernetta Gingerback, as I knew him, told me that there was a role that I was born to play and that I should contact the agency ASAP for the exciting details about the production and audition. That was the huge turn off. When I hear the word “audition,” I instantly get sweaty and clammy, because that word translates to “rejection.” … read more
Princess Kennedy: Gaybonics
At the beginning of the year, the 801 was bestowed with the honor of being named the gayest city in America by Advocate Magazine. This came as a shock to parts of the country, but, as I explained it to my friends, we have the most gays per capita, and I think all of Salt Lake already knew how gay we are. I thought that since you are surrounded by gays on every side, Professor Princess could help you converse with us LGBTQs and teach you the new Polari: Gaybonics. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Got Any Sexy Pics?
I got a message from a really hot guy asking me out. Turns out he’s 19, follows my writing and mustered up the courage to ask me out. “Holy shit,” I thought to myself, “Can I do that?” Why the fuck not, I decided. He’s only a couple of years younger than me and I look great for a 33-year-old (fuck you), and who doesn’t jump at a chance to get it on with a horny 19-year-old? So I did. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Tranny Get Your Gun
The rash of fag bashing that we experienced this fall scares the shit outta me because I walk in the same areas all the time, alone. After these incidents, there was a sort of community panic about how to be safe, stay safe and send a message. This became an outcry for vigilantism. Not pepper spray, tasers, karate or common sense—it went straight to “I’m getting a gun.” … read more
Princess Kennedy: Resolutions are for Fat People
Wasn’t NYE 2011 just last month? I tend not to make resolutions because, quite frankly, they are for quitters and fat people, of which I am neither. Those of you who are, please do a favor for those of us that go to the gym regularly. The last thing we want is to have to dodge your fat ass and wait for you to finish the 15 minutes that you can barely get through on the treadmill. … read more
Welcome to the Kennedoll House
Thanksgiving is a day I look forward to. I love to cook, and this is the perfect day to show off my culinary talents. I don’t know what it is about this day that turns this night-clubbing diva into a sentimental ‘50s housewife, but I go all out with the formal place settings and a menu that spans the board from the vegan to the pot eater, and ends in an open house cocktail party. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Human Garbage
This month SLUG is celebrating John Waters and his works and accomplishments. I would like to fill you in on why we, as an LGBT community, celebrate him. Quite frankly, it’s because he is the filthiest human in the world. Let me rephrase––he is the most outwardly expressive and unapologetic piece of human garbage. To the untrained reader, it might seem that I am bashing Waters, but trust me, in some circles of filth, this is a huge compliment. … read more
Princess Kennedy: PK Gets an ID
To do anything on this planet, you have to have legal identification, such as a passport, driver’s license or State ID. It seems that in this pretty great state, the motherfuckers at the Driver License Division have decided that if you are trans identified in any way, you don’t deserve a state-issued ID, and that, my fellow sympathizers, is FUCKED UP. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Thrift Whore
Let’s face it: In this struggling economy, we are definitely pinching our pennies, especially when it comes to fashion. The pickings often seem slim in SLC, feeling like Pib’s and Decades are all we have apart from the clone-like Deseret Industries. This prompted me to do something I never do: go out of my comfort zone by venturing past 2100 South to see what other stores are out in this great Salt City. … read more
Princess Kennedy: Team Gay
I was raised with four older brothers. As you can imagine, sports were important … to them. I had one brother who was sports obsessed. You know the one: captain of everything. Once at age four, we watched him pole vault himself into impalement. Somehow, the pole missed every vital organ, but at the emergency room as we watched the doctor reach up his new anus and pull tar from his back, I was put off sports (and fisting) forever! … read more