It’s here! That wonderful time of year, when couples are forced to show their undying love for each other through overpriced bouquets of flowers, vomit-inducing quips by Hallmark and obligatory boxes of chocolates. I’ve kept it no secret that I’d rather lose a limb than be coupled, but what I hate more is feeling bad about it. As I’ve said, my opposition to relationships comes from my poor choice in partners—my last boyfriend was a porn actor and the one before him was a male prostitute.